As you are going through and watching the DVDs, if you, in a spirit of humility, can ask the person who you have asked to hold you accountable, your spouse and/or your children to discuss and point out failures as you finish each DVD you will then be able to confess your failures, make yourself accountable to them, and discuss any misunderstandings, misconceptions or misinterpreted motives. The discussion is a very important part of the changing process.Remember that your spouse and your children know you far better than anyone else because they live with you. Keep in mind that if you have now or have had a problem with anger (or another bad habit) in the past, your children or spouse may not feel the freedom to point out your problems to you. You might try a week of changing your recognized failures without discussing it, and then ask if they have noticed a change. Whatever you do, DON=T GET DEFENSIVE! Admit that you are trying to change and ask them to be patient with you, but don=t use that as an excuse-- CHANGE! If you know you have a problem with (for instance) ‘anger' and you keep telling your family, "I'm going to change." Then in the next hour or day you blow up, they are going to start viewing you as a liar. You don't want that! It is very important not to promise something that you will not be able to fulfill. Otherwise, this will be viewed as inconsistency and cause insecurity and mistrust in your spouse or children. Be very aware of this. It is so important to the possibility of you turning this situation around.
Because of the emotional roller coaster you are on, these things may not seem to you to be working, but you must trust the wisdom of following the DVDs even when you don=t feel successful. APaying the price@ will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. The questions you want to ask yourself are, AHow far will I go for my spouse? Will I do ANYTHING for them? How important is my husband to me? How important is my wife to me? Is my spouse more important to me than money? Is my spouse more important than my very life?Is my spouse important enough for me to recognize the areas in which I need to change and do whatever I have to do to change?@ (Your children and your spouse know how you would answer these questions, so if you aren't sure of the answer yourself, ask your spouse or your children. If they aren't afraid, you might get an honest answer.)
Don't forget that you can download and print off free fill in the blanks sheets for the DVDs on our website.
Below are some simple suggestions that can be begun immediately and will really help!
Remember, "Expectations ruin relationships!" So, NO EXPECTATIONS FROM EITHER SPOUSE!
Husband/Wife - No arguing or disagreeing in the presence of the children.If there is a problem, talk about it later, behind closed doors, so the children don't know there is a disagreement. Children need the stability of parents that are going to stay together. (The last sentence is explained in more detail on the DVD "4 Things Children Need from Parents.")
Husband/Wife - Praise each other and have appropriate, physical involvement (a small kiss, a hug, holding hands etc.) in the presence of your children.
Husband/Wife - Once a week you need to set aside a "date night" together. (No kids allowed)It needs to be a minimum of 4-5 hours. You can discuss the problems that you are having for the first 20-30 minutes, (set a timer if you need to) but after that, nothing can be said negatively. In the time that you are alone you will need to watch 2 DVDs and discuss them for a minimum of 20 minutes when it is finished.
Husband/Wife - Throughout the week, write down 5+ things that you can say nice (or praise) about your spouse that you can bring with you on your date night to praise each other for. They can be actions or words concerning something you have heard them do or seen them do. Example: "Thank you for seeing that I needed help carrying a box and helping me with it." "Thank you for being grateful for the meal I made."
Husband/Wife - Once a day, go out of your way to do something nice or special for your spouse. Write what you did in your praise journal.
Husband/Wife - get 2 of the book, "the Love Dare," (You can find it just about anywhere.) one for each of you. Complete your "Love Dare" chapter for the day each day. (Solve Family Problems doesn't endorse or agree with everything written in this book, but it is a tool that can be used to help make your marriage stronger.)
Husband/Wife - read through the book, "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Read this book together 1 chapter every other day, preferably with the husband reading aloud to the wife, while stopping to discuss it as you read or at the end of the chapter. (Solve Family Problems doesn't endorse or agree with everything written in this book, but it is a tool that can be used to help make your marriage stronger.)
Husband - read the Bible aloud (1 chapter) each night with the entire family. You could also use the Picture Proverbs that Solve Family Problems sells. (You could begin in Proverbs or the New Testament.)
Husband/Wife - pray together each night before going to sleep. Each one of you pray aloud where the other one can hear you.
Husband/Wife - A minimum of 20 minutes of discussing each DVD that you watch when you are finished watching it.
An additional idea for you would be that you get an older, godly couple with a good marriage to watch the DVDs with you and help hold you accountable.
Below are the DVDs in the order that need to be watched on a weekly basis.
Sadly, we've had people try to go through this process using the audio/CD version of the titles listed instead of the Video/DVD version and it simply WILL NOT WORK. Yes, the CDs are cheaper, but it will not help you deal with the problems that you are having. When trying to fix a roof that has a HUGE hole in it, do you go to the store and ask to purchase the cheapest tarp you can to fix the hole or do you find someone to help you replace that entire part of the roof so you don't have massive problems again down the road a few days, months or years from now? Of course, you try to be as frugal as possible while getting all the tools and materials that you need to fix that hole, but you realize the importance of fixing this problem so you do your best to get what you need. You don't wait days and weeks before finding the tools to fix it-- you do it as soon as possible, otherwise you are going to have more damage caused by that problem the longer you wait!It is the same thing when dealing with rebellion problems.Usually, it is the wife that senses the problem earlier and the husband typically either doesn't recognize it or doesn't want to deal with it so they wait until there is a HUGE hole that they have to deal with and, if you don't get all the information that you need, presented in the best way possible, you are going to continue to have problems. It is better for you to not hear the sermon at all than to inoculate you against dealing with the problem. If you truly want victory in this or any area, you will NEED the DVDs and NOT the CDs.If you cannot afford the entire series at one time, we suggest that you start at the top of the list and work your way down through them. (See our specials for the BEST possible price!)
Quick, easy, cheap fixes of any life problem tend not to last. This is even truer in the spiritual realm than in the physical realm.
Disclaimer: Neither Dr. S. M. Davis nor Park Meadows Baptist Church of Lincoln, IL offers any guarantee for the results of following the counsel offered in this document or in the messages offered by this ministry, nor do they accept responsibility for any negative outcome resulting from following the counsel offered by this ministry. OUR DVDS ARE BIBLE MESSAGES THAT GIVE BIBLICAL COUNSEL. THEY ARE NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC COUNSELING. This Help for Marriages Information sheet written by Jeanna Davis Gill and Dr. S. M. Davis.
